For those of you who haven't been hornswoggled into Danicamania and its associated drivel, Danica Patrick is a twenty-four year old female driver in something called the IRL. The IRL is, from what I can tell by perusing their website, essentially NASCAR without the chewing tobacco and Lynard Skynard music. As to auto racing, I share the feelings of George Carlin, who once quipped that auto racing was "a bunch of redneck jerkoffs driving five hundred miles in a circle... children can do that." But I digress, because very little of what you hear or see of Danica Patrick is related to her actual skills piloting a four-wheeled rocket. Rather, Danicamania is touted as a vehicle for breaking barriers, promoting fashionable consumption and, most importanly to Patrick and her handlers, selling merchandise.
She's the one with the long hair.
Patrick has been racing for over a year in the IRL, but has never won a race. Regardless of her lack of success, every Sportscenter segment that has covered an IRL race in the last year begins with Danica strking a pose, highlights of the crashes and then some European fellow crossing the finish line and bathing in a bottle of champagne. Cut to aging douche hipster telling us that Patrick finished eighth, or tenth, or wherever. Perhaps in light of this practice of constant exposure, Patrick was given the 2005 IRL Rookie of the Year (though I couldn't find any voting results) and has been featured on the covers of Sports Illustrated, TV Guide and ESPN: The Waste of Paper. That brings us to Memorial Day 2006.
During the Memorial Day weekend, Patrick raced in the apparent World Series of the IRL, the Indianapolis 500. ESPN spent the days before the race following the format laid out above. Danica had time to do some 150 interviews with media concerns. ESPN and other mindless "news" outlets trumpted Patrick's finish. Second? Fouth? No, not even close. Eighth. But you probably already knew that. She's the Gaylord Fokker of the auto racing industry.
Despite Patrick's lackluster finish, she and her marketing machine managed to score over 3,600 separate mentions in news sources covered by Google as of today. The three drivers who finished immediately in front of Partick at fifth, sixth and seventh (Tony Kannan, Scott Dixon and Dario Franchitti) combined for a total of less than ten substantive mentions in news sources as of today. WTF?
In addition to the inordinate amount media coverage Patrick receives, there's another way to tell that Patrick, outside of her race car, is simply a marketing gimmick. If someone has the audacity to write a newspaper article casting the critics of Patrick as sexist, and another castigating Richard Petty (a successful driver) for simply stating his fact-based opinion on Patrick's lack of success, then you know the hype machine is running overtime. Even a seemingly level-headed debate of the virtues of her driving skill is mired in accusations of sexism and the now-universal (and, in my opinion, fitting) Anna Kornikova analogy. It's not sexism or Richard Petty who should be on trial, but rather the needless hype of second-rate athletes with first-class marekting potential.
As long as Patrick continues to finish in the exhaust fumes of other drivers, she simply does not qualify as a sports icon, let alone merit the 3,600 stories extolling her eight place finish. But ESPN and other mindless promoters have and will continue to hype her-- at least until a younger, more attractive female driver comes along to supplant her and, perhaps, garner a few years of unwarranted fame. I hate you ESPN.
[UPDATE 4/25/08: Danica wins the Indy Japan 300. Read my reaction.]
4 comments:
Extra points for quoting Carlin and slamming Stephen A Smith and Joe Morgan. You should really write a blog on how Joe Morgan is the worst baseball analyst ever given a job and completely unqualified for his position with the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame. It would be more interesting than this Danicamania effort. The situation doesn't bother me nearly as much as it does you but I have to wonder if blogging about it isn't just adding to the problem.
7000+ visitors led by Google to this post by mispelling "Danika Partick"... click thru trick!
Dude, she still has not won a race and it's 2008! Apparently she's now plying her only marketable "talent" by slumming in some sultry ad for godaddy.com. What an upsatnding example for female athletes!
How do you feel about her now? Eat your own words please. Her rookie season was on par with the best male rookie seasons in that series history. Hence the award. Danica has cut her teeth in the racing world to get to the IRL. Perhaps you should do some research before spouting your ignorance to the world. That girl can drive a car better than you. Maybe that's why you're so upset with her. Give me a break.
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